Showing Appreciation: What Daddies Really Value
Reading time: 9 minutes
Last week I was having dinner with my daddy at the Kronenhalle in Zurich when he suddenly said to me: "You know what means the most to me? That you really listen to me." I was surprised. Not the designer bag I'd picked out for him a month ago, not the expensive watch – but my attention. In that moment it became clear to me: showing appreciation has nothing to do with the price of a gift, but with the quality of the gesture.
Especially in arrangements where financial support is part of the agreement, many people think material gifts are the only way to express gratitude. But the men I've met over the last three years are looking for exactly the opposite: real moments that show they're seen as a person, not just as a provider. According to a 2023 study by the University of Zurich, 68 percent of the men surveyed in arrangements said that emotional appreciation matters more to them than material returns (Source: https://www.psychologie.uzh.ch/de/bereiche/hea/romanticrelationships.html).
The language of attention: how I really show a man appreciation
I remember an evening in November 2024 when my daddy arrived completely exhausted after a stressful week. Instead of going to the planned Clouds restaurant in the Prime Tower, I changed plans on the spot: I ordered his favorite food from Tibits, put on his favorite playlist (Miles Davis, which I'd remembered from our third date) and massaged his shoulders. He said later that it was one of the best dates we'd ever had.
For me, showing attention that comes from the heart means noticing small details and responding to them. That might be remembering how he takes his espresso (double, no sugar), which project is currently occupying him at work, or that he always has an important meeting on Wednesday evenings. An analysis by the Gottman Institute from 2023 shows that couples who consciously pay attention to small everyday gestures report 34 percent higher relationship satisfaction (Source: https://www.gottman.com/blog/small-things-often/).
My personal rule: after every date I jot down three details he mentioned – a book he's reading, a restaurant he wants to try, or an appointment that's weighing on him. On our next date I pick one of them up. This method has earned me a surprised smile many times.
Compliments that land: more than just "You look good"
Generic compliments like "You're great" or "You look good" are nice, but interchangeable. What really counts are specific statements that show I truly see him. When my daddy told me about a difficult negotiation last month, I said to him: "I admire how calm you stay in situations like that. I wish I had that composure." That wasn't superficial praise, but a genuine observation about his personality.
Compliments that have an impact focus on character, not just appearance. I make sure to mention something concrete at least once per date: the way he treats the waiter at Restaurant Kaufleuten, his patience when I'm late, or his generosity toward others. A 2024 study by the University of Basel shows that compliments about personality traits strengthen emotional connection 41 percent more than purely visual compliments (Source: https://psychologie.unibas.ch/de/forschung/abteilungen/sozial-und-affektive-neurowissenschaft/).
Investing time: the most valuable asset in a special relationship
I'll be honest: my calendar is packed. College, a side job, friends, family. Still, I block out fixed times for my daddy. Not because I have to, but because I want to. Last week I left a friend's birthday party early to make it to our date at Rive Gauche on time. He didn't expect it, but the joy on his face was priceless.
Investing time also means being present. Phone away, no Instagram checks, no wandering thoughts. When I'm with him, I'm really there. That sounds simple, but it has become rare in our hyperconnected world. To me, nurturing a relationship means creating these deliberate moments where nothing else matters.
A concrete example: two months ago my daddy mentioned he'd love to go to the movies again – something he used to do often but had neglected for lack of time. I booked tickets for a screening at the Arthouse Le Paris, picked a film that suited his taste (he likes European arthouse cinema), and sent him the confirmation a week ahead. The planning cost me 30 minutes; the effect has lasted to this day.
Expressing appreciation in a relationship without money: my top gestures
After three years as a sugar baby, I've developed a list of gestures that always go over well and cost nothing. I use them deliberately to show that he matters to me:
- Handwritten notes: Every now and then I leave a little slip of paper in his jacket pocket saying what I appreciate about him. Old-fashioned, but effective.
- Spontaneous voice messages: When I think of something that will make him laugh or remind him of something we shared, I send him a short voice message. It takes 20 seconds, but it shows that I'm thinking of him.
- Preparing his favorite meal: I'm no Michelin-star chef, but I can cook a few of his favorite dishes. Once I made him his favorite pasta (spaghetti aglio e olio, exactly according to his recipe) when he came back from a long business trip.
- Keeping shared rituals: We have a fixed ritual – breakfast every other Sunday at Babu's Bakery & Coffeehouse in Zurich-Wiedikon. I make sure that date stays sacred.
- Active listening without advice: Men don't always need solutions, sometimes just an open ear. I've learned to simply listen without immediately giving advice.
These gestures cost no money, but they show that I put thought into it. That's exactly what real appreciation is about. By the way, in my experience with setting boundaries in sugar dating, I also learned that appreciation always has to be mutual – that's the only way a healthy dynamic develops.
What real appreciation means to men: the male perspective
I asked my daddy directly: "What does real appreciation mean to you?" His answer made me think. He said: "That you remember. That you see who I am, not just what I can offer you." That was a key moment for me.
Many men in arrangements feel reduced to their financial role. They long to be seen as a whole person – with their dreams, fears, hobbies and quirks. A 2023 survey by the MySugardaddy platform found that 72 percent of male users said emotional connection matters more to them than physical intimacy (Source: https://www.mysugardaddy.de/blog/).
For me, that means I ask questions that go beyond small talk. I ask about his goals for the next five years, about his first job, about the book that shaped him most. I show interest in what makes him who he is. And I share about myself too, which creates a real emotional bond.
Another aspect: men appreciate it when their efforts are noticed. When he's organized an elaborate weekend in Lucerne for us, I don't just say "Thanks," but: "I know how much work went into planning this. You really made an effort, and that means a lot to me." Acknowledging his efforts is a form of appreciation that often gets forgotten.
How I nurture a special relationship: long-term strategies
A relationship – even an arrangement – is like a plant: it needs regular care. I've developed a few principles that help me strengthen the connection with my daddy over the long term:
Consistency instead of one-off gestures
Showing appreciation doesn't work as a one-time gesture, but as an ongoing attitude. I try to build in at least one small gesture every week – a message, a compliment or an unexpected surprise. That keeps the relationship alive.
Honesty and vulnerability
I show my vulnerable sides too. When I've had a bad day, I share that. When something is on my mind, I bring it up. This honesty builds trust and shows that I see him as a partner, not just as an arrangement. In my experience, which I also described in my wish for a sugar daddy's acceptance, this openness is the key to a deeper connection.
Creating shared experiences
We've built shared memories: a concert at the Hallenstadion, a hike up the Uetliberg, a spontaneous trip to Locarno. These experiences bond us more than any material gift. According to a 2023 study from Cornell University, shared experiences create a stronger emotional bond than material goods (Source: https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2023/05/experiences-bring-more-happiness-possessions).
Frequently asked questions: appreciation in sugar dating
How do I show a man appreciation without it seeming forced?
Authenticity is the key. Showing appreciation should come from genuine interest, not a sense of obligation. Focus on details you've truly noticed and express your gratitude specifically. Instead of "Thanks for everything," say: "Thank you for making time even though your week was so stressful." That shows you really pay attention.
What does real appreciation mean to men in arrangements?
Real appreciation for men means above all being seen as a person, not as a provider. Men in arrangements value emotional presence, genuine interest and the feeling that their time and attention are just as valuable as their financial support. In my experience and from conversations with other sugar babies, most daddies are looking for exactly this emotional component.
How do I nurture a special relationship long-term without spending much money?
Investing time, listening actively and small, thoughtful gestures are more effective than expensive gifts. Create shared rituals, remember important details and be present in the moments you spend together. Nurturing a relationship above all means showing consistency and genuine interest.
Which gestures go over especially well with men?
In my experience, it's the unexpected, personal gestures: a voice message showing you're thinking of him, a home-cooked meal that suits his taste, or simply your full attention during a date. Compliments about his character also land better than superficial comments about his looks.
Can I express appreciation in a relationship without money, even in a financial arrangement?
Absolutely. Especially in arrangements where money plays a role, non-material gestures are particularly valuable. They show that the relationship is more than a transaction. I've found that my daddy appreciates these moments the most – when I show him that he matters to me as a person, not only because of what he can offer me.
Conclusion: appreciation as the foundation of a fulfilling relationship
After three years in sugar dating, I've learned this: the most beautiful moments cost no money. They happen when I show my daddy that he truly matters to me – through attention, time and genuine interest. Showing appreciation doesn't mean being perfect, it means being present.
My tip for anyone in an arrangement or thinking about one: don't forget that even the most successful men long for real connection. They want to be seen, heard and valued. If you manage that, your relationship will be more than just an agreement – it will be an enrichment for both of you.
If you'd like to learn more about how to build a fulfilling connection, check out my post about my experience with an older man. There I share more insights into how real emotional bonds work in relationships like these.
Appreciation doesn't need a budget, just awareness. And that's exactly what makes it priceless.